I changed your name in my phone today.
Not so no one would know who you are, but because I am not yet ready to let you go.
I should be because my mind says you are not right for me, no matter how much I’d like you to be.
But my heart has attached itself to you because you were familiar. And because you were familiar, my heart had no problem running back to you.
I thought, well my heart led my mind to think that you were finally ready for me.
When I saw that you weren’t, my heart convinced my mind to accept your reasoning for why I should still share space with you.
So here I am, feeling what I’m feeling while my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I keep wanting to give you chance after chance because you’re familiar.
But if I continue on this path, you will become just SOMETHING TO DO.
Because my heart will eventually harden towards what it is it craves from you when my mind takes over and begin its rule.
For now, I will have to deal with this pit in my belly.
But baby, when my mind takes over and the hurt I placed myself in harm’s way to experience is no more — neither will you be.
Tracey Barbee is a writer/blogger and first-time collaborator to Soulivity Magazine. She currently resides in Detroit, Michigan.